"Your CT Scan Was Interesting"

Getting a chemotherapy port installed was supposed to be yesterday's big dire medical event. It seemed dire at the time (I threatened to run through the halls screaming, but I think the prep nurse knew I was not serious), but instead the stresser was reviewing my pre-chemo CT scans. I've been prepared for years of anxiety as new test results come through, but did think this single starter set would be inconsequential. I just got a pretty clear CT before surgery a month ago, when this all began, and surely nothing grows in a month.

Well.

The fellow started out by telling us "Your CT scan was interesting". This was the moment when he got a permanent F in bedside manners. Even in my limited experience, I can guarantee no cancer patient wants an "interesting" scan. We want "clear" and 'boring".

Initially, we learned, the radiologists thought I had enormous sudden metasteses to my liver, which would have meant cancelling chemo, getting biopsies, and seriously revising my outlook on the future. Fortunately -- I know this is fortunate -- they later determined these were "only" blood clots. Months of blood-thinners now on order.

Once again, the whiplash of grateful/ungrateful is in effect.