What Is In Control Of My Body?

After three chemo rounds, I still know I should feel glad that the side effects aren't worse than they are. They're a constant litany of whining -- fatigue, controllable nausea, crab-claw hands, bloody nose, insomnia, ground-glass feeling drinking cold things, prickling hands and feet, and so on, and so on -- but none of them have been horrible. But I am struck by how much I've been relying on medication to make my body work properly. If I don't take the Zofran on days 3-7, depending, I will feel sick. I might still feel sick, in which case I add the Compazine. Eating almost anything the "on" chemo week means relying on Reglan to get it out of my stomach. Most of the nausea drugs cause constipation, for which there are stool softeners, but the diahrrea seems to be reliably coming around days 7-9, so there is the immodium. The nurse practitioner thought the crab claw hands might be from an electrolyte imbalance, so on come the Tums and Gatorade. Insomnia while being so tired is maddening, and for that there is Ativan (also helpful with the nausea). It's like my body can't do what it's supposed to do on its own any more. I hope it remembers how to function properly once the biggest drugs of all -- the chemo ones -- are gone.